Ugh!
When I was younger, I had something of an anger management problem. My temper was legendary, my voice was loud, my list of grudges was endless and non-forgiving, and the list of things and relationships I damaged with my outbursts was long, indeed. I fought hard, and believe me, I fought dirty.
Over time, I realized how destructive my inability to rationally deal with my feelings was, and how much energy it took away from my life to nurture anger and fight every battle as though it were a matter of life and death. I vowed to first and foremost stop fighting dirty. And I don’t.
The problem is that somehow I have ventured way too far into the opposite direction………….I get angry, I stifle it, I forgive too easily, and I let people I love get away with far too much. I try and rise above the fray, to fight the battles that really are important, but I feel the Monster lurking………….I am M.A.D. Way mad. Sick of Being The Bigger Person. Sick of Offering The Benefit Of The Doubt. Sick of letting bygones be bygones, tired of subjugating my anger and hurt for the Greater Good.
I fear that one day either it will all rush forth, a tsunami of pent up feelings that will wash away all the good things in my life or else I will continue to shrink under the weight of it all, and disappear.
